No longer metaphysical . . . just One.

It's no longer about spirits,
dimensions,
energy changes and shifts.

It's about Mother's Light . . .

shining into every corner
of all that which has been created.
Reaching everywhere,
all the time.

It's about Mother's Light . . . into the One.

Powerful and intense.

God is in everything.

It's so powerful it hurts.

Rapturous bliss . . .again.

Burning bliss . . .

This BLISS energy is like a fire . . .

It makes my body

(not melt, not quake, not rip apart - done those),

it makes my body burn, sort of

(done that too though, in the past),

light up in a new and more intense or direct way.

And melt ??? On fire ???

Oceans of Bliss !!!

I'm up here in the woods, in this cabin in the woods,

between three mountains and I am swimming in bliss,

swimming in OCEANS OF BLISS.

Whoah!!!

Is it this place,

or is it just me,

or is it the times we now are in . . .

Intense it is,

this stream line of Perfection.

Stop the focus. Stop the goal.

*


ONENESS - actual and factual.
Merger with the Absolute, absorption into the All and All,
melting into the One, God - Union, samadhi.

God - Union is literal, not conceptual.

God - Union is
when ones energy grids, ones energy make - up,
ones aura's substance, meridians and patterns,
ones individualized unit of consciousness collapse
and completely dissolve and melt into the Universal grid.
The Universal grid is now you.
The essence that moves through the Universal grid
becomes your Consciousness.

*

Everybody is imprinted with stories, some very much and very deeply and some lightly, and most relate to the story as life.

One day, in tangent with and as a result of God - Union, ones stories will be wiped away totally, literally and completely. When there is no longer any stories or imprints running, rather only the whole of cosmos, the totality of consciousness through ones being and field of awareness, the mind will bend . . . and lose control, loose its structure, function and blue print, until it ceases to be. It melts and dissolves, and Awareness remains. The story of creation just flows through it all with all of its options and crossroads. Clarity remains, ease, peace, emptiness . . . filled with the story and movement of creation, the Greater Whole.

What may follow is a period, sometimes long, perhaps many years, of thought confusion since there is a habit of running certain thought forms and beliefs, and create happenings from wishes and whims; personal stories.

A thinking process is still possible and from habit one may still form stories; thinking patterns, questions, considering, concerns about creation, control, wishes, wants, desires and so on. It can take an amazing amount of time before this habit is relaxed, this function of recreating patterns of personal story.

It can take a very long time before the reverberation, the reflections, the remaining residues of this previous hologram eventually dissolve and slowly melts away. And it can feel worse than it ever did before, because of trying to hold on to the familiar and the understood when it’s all just being pulled away. The letting go of the mind functions and the understood in the world view can be the most difficult and excruciating. All this is a process in the energetic transformation that the kundalini brings, a metaphysical transformation.

The compulsive recreating of that which is known and understood one day ceases, and the filling of the thought field ceases and awareness becomes clear and undisturbed and forever. Awareness that is One with Universal Consciousness. But that doesn't mean one knows everything or perceives everything all at once. It means a stillness, limitless expansiveness, emptiness, non - activity. Freedom from doing, desire, controlling, intending, wishing, working hard for a goal, goals, considering, thinking, wondering. Once it is done, it is a big shift. It becomes a perfect placing with What Is in the Here and Now. Then no more personal agitation. One full orb of Nothing.

The energy that comes from within me, through my body, goes out into the world and brings back to me that which is for me. The energy of Truth brings that which is true and right for my life's story line, my journey through life . . . path and destiny unfolding. (Yes, I know, there are those who experience that they "create their own reality". There is a time for each experience.) Not from will or focus or thinking or figuring, but from the vibration of Absolute Reality, through the form into the world. That which is to be will come. I don't have to make a decision or a plan, I don't have to decide, I don't have to know . . . It will come that which is to be, effortlessly.

Kundalini awakening video.

Well, this is a must see . . .

Intense bliss overflowing.

Bliss is tearing through my form.

I feel still like a volcano quaking, even though I am not exploding physically, it feels like I am, or should be any moment now. The Light from the crown chakra is still establishing itself within my form, my life, my surroundings and in the Universal grids. More Light. It is extraordinary, unfathomable, explosive still.

I have the great fortune to have a hot tub in my backyard. Luxurious to be able to submerge ones form in water, here in the dry high desert of northern Arizona. I sink my body into the water, sit there with the jets off under the pine trees every day and just let go. I have reformulated a mind, (from the Universal powers I now have ;> ) and it melts too, eradicates, blows away.

It is almost tormenting what the kundalini still is doing to me. The quantity of Light I am being made to allow into and through my form, it's almost impossible even to think. But there it is and it's all I can do to allow. I know my body is quaking, shifting to be able to let it move in and let it move through and let it move out.

The bliss lays like a thick blanket in my backyard. I am changing still. More Light still. More wonder still. Unfathomable all of it. Still.

Newness.

Such newness! I feel new and look different. I have had such a spurt of energy pushing me to get out there on the web and network myself. Totally frightening. But I have been met only with love. And it's been lovely. It has calmed down now a bit. I feel a bit more organized and centered, still full of energy and ready to take on the world.

My mind, or I should say thinking process, is different. I guess I do not take on as much thought from the surroundings as I used to do. I feel clean. I am empty of will, focus and desire and follow perfectly that which I am to do each day. Even the pauses for rest are suggested at the times they are needed. It's like I don't need to think for myself any more. (Did I ever?) All I have to do is listen, which I have become impeccably good at.

Having had this time to adjust to the kundalini in the crown (two years), has made a real difference. I feel such raw power in my form and have had to ajust and adjust over and over to be able to allow more and more of this power and Light to flow through my form and systems. I am still adjusting to that. My physical body is sort of behind in this and is still very much adjusting to new frequency, detoxing and resting, feeling really strange, like a balloon. I can feel I am not up to speed physically, but I know that I will be in time.

This, just a short rapport of nothing really important ... It's hard to explain what I am really experiencing now. Something new is definately happening.

Free from thought.

Well, not only a new year, but new in other ways too.

I have been bothered by thoughts for a long time, of and about the future; what to do, where to go, what decisions to make, what to plan and how to keep to the plan myself and others made. This has been quite a disturbance for me for a long time. Wondering why I should have this run through my system.

Then, all of a sudden . . . no more thoughts. Just like that. Abracadabra. Just like that. I don't know where it all went. Maybe it was all the deeksha I have been receiving lately. Probably was.

Now I find I am entirely free of thoughts of the future, of thoughts of direction, of direction totally, of thinking of making plans, of asking God what plans she has for me, and so on. I find that all of a sudden I am free of will and desire, totally. I made up thoughts because I didn't know what to do with myself. I now feel like a hollow and I experience the present moment in the world of matter much better. Cool with me. I feel like I gave my life over to the Great Plan without asking about it, without wondering about it. I see all things now with an even deeper acceptance than ever before. Whew!!

Insane making bliss.

I am feeling so much Love
and so much excitement
that it is almost insane making.

My chest is possibly exploding outward
like the backside of a bullet hole through metal.

I quake.

*

It makes me silly and laughing . . .
it makes me happy . . . obviously.

It makes me curious . . . what comes next?
How much more of this bliss?
How can I handle it and how can I handle more . . .

. . . as I know there will be more.

More intense bliss,
more Love
and more ecstasy.

A joy so sublime . . . !!!!!

Perfect yoga.

The Light that was activated in the crown chakra by the kundalini almost two years ago now, continues to rain down and fill my cells massively. I am aware of it in waves. I don't know if it occurs in waves or if it occurs all the time and I am only aware of it sometimes. It continues to be at times an overwhelming experience where I can only lay down and be still, sleep or be in a daze, feeling and being entirely incapable of anything. I feel it fill and fill my cells. It is strange and overwhelming, unbelievably intense, knocks me out sometimes. And even though I am already burning a blazing fire it still gets hotter and hotter, ever more luminous.

The Love that from all this continues to overwhelmingly be activated in my being, in my cells really, is also an incredible and overpowering experience, so intense in fact that I can barely believe it. Sometimes the Love blasts my chest, my heart, but always a pleasant experience. I feel so much Love that it is sometimes unbearable and unthinkable not to have anywhere to put it, nowhere to give it to, not being able to directly pass it to someone or somewhere.

Also, there is an unbelievable, intense Bliss of incredible sweetness that blazes through and in between it all. I thought these were all temporary experiences along the way and especially of the kundalini in the heart chakra, but it turns out it is in fact what they have said in yoga and spiritual scriptures of the east; an everlasting result of Perfection, the blazing reality of true and perfect nakedness, full kundalini awakening, factual and actual Oneness Supreme.

And to think . . .
this is only the beginning . . .

for us all . . .

More and more Light.

I continue being filled with light, the Great Light.
It fills my cells and the spaces in between.

It is delirious and tumultuous. I can't do much.
I can only be still as much as possible.

It makes me have a hard time thinking
and a hard time speaking linearly.
Conversation wants to bend into a loop,
has a tendency to strive towards circular.

I guess one can say I am a bit loopy right now. :)

*

I questioned for a long time why I wasn't functional, why I didn't work like other people. Now I know, it was the kundalini, still is. It is a journey that is tremendously and fiercely chaotic. Fortunately I have the ability to see. Otherwise, without a kundalini teacher, I guess I'd be quite nuts. I am really into understanding what's going on, always was.

Light keeps descending.

*

So I feel my body tweaking, adjusting to hold more light, opening to receive. Yet internally I feel I have absorbed total emptiness. My cells are empty, yet are filling with Light, as presence. Supreme highest manifestation.

It's all very mind bending, literally.

Love flowing . . .

A new feeling coming from this . . . yet another experience . . . a deepening fulfilling . . . another step . . .

I feel a new thing coming . . .

. . . the Love that used to and flows, from all this change, through my being, my essence, my presence, I now feel coming through my cells as well, through my physical form, through my biology, my body. Quite a shift and change, a fulfilling of something. Completing. Always growing. Always more, there is always one more thing. Now this and from all that I have experienced I know there will be more. There's always more and another thing and then another. Some journey we are on, huh?

I don't know if this has to do with the kundalini. It has to. Where else would it come from? Kundalini in the crown chakra.

They say, upstairs, that as I now come to embody Love I will now be met with love too. That'll be a change since I have almost always been met with tension, challenge, hostility, competition, violence and hatred. People have almost always reacted strangely and negatively to my presence, attacking me or avoiding me, afraid of me. (I used to think it had something to do with me, but that's people.) Karma or energetic response, I don't know. People acting lovingly towards my presence would be an interesting and lovely change in the external.

Many years ago, they said I would go through a massive transformation and then after that I would have a great life. I await the great life. I look forward to it, believing this should be it. I am sure it is more or less done now, with he kundalini in the crown, and the only thing still to manifest is the change in my external life experience. That still needs to take place, the creating of a new life. I look forward to that. It can only be good and greatly enjoyable.

Filling . . . trancing . . . cleansing.

The filling continues, has been going on now for days, a filling of my physical form, my cellular structure, filling . . . filling . . . with the Supreme. How can I possibly describe it? Physically.

And as this goes on, I am completely incapacitated. I can't do anything at all whatsoever, nothing. handicapped, paralyzed. I can get up and get ready for the day and I can eat, but . . . Each and every day I fall into a deep trance as the filling takes place and a completely powerful energy surges through me, engulfs me, absorbs me, consumes me, my body, completely. Hours and hours on end each and every day. And it just keeps going. I can't stop it either. Making plans to do anything in the external is near impossible. Doing anything is pretty much impossible. Thinking is pretty much impossible. Which is frustrating. It is almost as if I am drugged by the above. I was brought up to be a doer, to accomplish and to have things make sense. But I am made to not even be able to think about it, incapable of worry. What's happening is very, very powerful. Wish I knew what it was.

My cats sleep with me, fly with me, trance with me. They adore it. It heals them and makes them tranquil. If I move to another room they get up and follow me and lay down all around me. They want to be near me, immediately near me. Funny how animals respond to the true language - energy.

* * *

And the longer I get to stay in Sedona, the more I get to remember past times in this life and I get to go through a sort of severing from all those times - memories, attachments and experiences. I am feeling a sense of loss as I am re-living it all emotionally and it is removed from my being. I only got to be in each place and know each person for such a short period of time, then it was always onward and forward, towards some place in future time. Right now I am remembering high school and people around me at that time. I feel a cleansing of sorts, a letting go of some sort of something carried (even though I didn't know I carried it). I assume I am getting lighter from this cleansing. It feels very complete. And it is sad. I am having a deep sadness of having to leave and always leave. I have been in so many places and experienced so many things and cared for so many people. Even people I never spoke to, you know, in high school. Now I am being made to clear it all out on en energy level. I guess I am raising my vibration tremendously here in this place, Sedona.

Cellular activation to Light.

Full merger - biologically, cellularly, molecularly. Feeling like I am becoming God. I suppose this will end the drama of the story. I haven't experienced any further shift in emotions (still at peace) or mentally. This seems to be entirely physiological, biological. I feel like God is taking place in my cells. I feel like I should be glowing golden soon. Maybe I will. Still don't know what this is. Can anyone tell me? Upstairs, hello!!

I've slept for 10 days, and I keep sleeping, trancing out deeply. It is a very deep change, molecular transformation. I keep thinking; this should be it, I am sure this is all that there is, I hope I am done now . . . but strangeness continues and continues and continues. It always just keeps going, my strange and unusual life. I'm expecting to go back to a normal life, the way it was before. But I have to surrender all and hope that them above take care of things while I go into this deeper and deeper and all together automatically. I am hoping this is for a reason. We'll see.

. . . I'm thinking we are in a time on this planet where we are absorbing higher light for some reason (divinization) and are all transforming. That's how I see it anyway. This must be global.

If anyone out there knows what this is . . .

I am adjusting to a higher dimension. Maybe this is what's called ascension.
Just establishing new frequency. Not working with people so much any more . . .

God in my being.

I feel God in me, filling my being, taking over my being, becoming my being . . . an experience that is growing and growing, and I don't even know what it is or what it means. No teacher who can answer my questions. The experience of Oneness continues to grow - imagine that.

I do what they say (upstairs) and get to know what I would want now (even though there are many things and if I think about it all it gets really jumbled up). Then as I have realized what I would want from life now, I am to let it go completely and be open for it to just roll in. That's the surrender. I guess I do what and where and they do how and when, eh. They asked me to tell them what I want now, they told me I can now do what I want - imagine that.

I have had a really hard time beginning to think of what I might want, since I really have had no control or say for so many years. Now I am supposed to tell them what I want. Even thinking about it is confusing. But I am learning, again, to live life on my terms, to manifest, to direct. I find that it needs to include what I need and what fits me for it to really manifest. Them upstairs seem to be guiding my attention to what would be suitable for me now and what would fit me on all levels of my life. Seems I need to be out of a big city, be in peace, stillness and quite a bit of silence. Need to have a small life (like I have always wanted), small and manageable. A need for nature, big nature, space and lots of green and trees, acres and acres, woods and all sorts of plants and big sky. So it seems that Maine would do fine for now. I like the idea of cool air and old buildings, east coast living. Me, a tropical girl - imagine that.

My path is not linear any more like before. Seems more spherical. How does one live round? Be, here, now? And let it come to me instead of going after it? I try to do what I did before when I wanted something. Think about it, focus on it and try to see what I can do to make it come true. But now, after the change, I can't do that. I don't work like I used to. I can't do linear. Linear is gone. What I do is that I find in my being what I would want and then I forget about it and live each day as it comes, without focus or doing and I am open for it to change and to change back. Not attached to the outcome. The moment is blissful and beautiful always, and now, when people complain around me, I no longer am affected by others drama. I am in peace, ever expanding.

Right now.

I am still somewhat reeling, my life that is,
from the kundalini into my crown chakra.

I guess, since the kundalini rested in and worked in
each chakra anywhere between 1 - 4 years
(and in several upper chakras at the same time, more or less)

I can expect just about anything still

as the kundalini has filled the crown.

The explosion of divine light

that took place in the crown chakra

as the kundalini reached the crown

is still expanding, in waves ... big waves.

I didn't realize that the experience of
the kundalini in the crown chakra would also be
a stretched out period in time, a lengthy experience.

I have thought that I should be able now
to pretty much right away grab a hold of my life
and steer it the way I used to be able to do

before all this began, before the kundalini was activated.

Yet, I am powerless still over how my life unfolds,

powerless completely.

All I can do is watch as things develop around me,

in the world of matter - as things happen
or as nothing at all happens.

I am totally unable to make anything happen
- through will, intent or prayer.
Even surrender doesn't get me what I want,

doesn't give me control.
It is amazing to observe all the things that do,

seemingly all by themselves,
simply unfold and build in my life.

As ones energy patterns change
ones external life experience also changes,
so here we go,

BIG change ...

All that remains.

What remains
is watching God work my life, work in my life, through my life.
Just letting all unfold,
and it does,
beautifully
and perfectly.

That's all I do

. . . let.

Chop wood, carry water II.

Chopping wood
used to be so
laborious
and strenuous.

And carrying water
used to be so
burdensome
and dreary.

Now chopping wood
and carrying water
is effortless,
effortless,
effortless,

effortless . . .

effortless . . .

. . . free . . .