In the highest possible spiritual sense, it is not about who and what you are, it is about what you can do for other people. They are not free from their suffering, and they need to be. They need help with their pain, purification and energetic transformation.
I still have an extraordinarily bombastic need for quiet, stillness and peace. That's why I am going to Maine, to Rockport rather than Camden or Bar Harbor, or back to L.A. Well, we'll see. I still need to remove myself from the world.
Something is happening to me now, that I don't know what it is. Whether it is results from the kundalini or if it is just plain down loading of light that the lightworkers might be doing now. Maybe it's the new moon.
I've been buzzing and burning like cold fire for two days. I can barely stay conscious, in form.I feel a power developing that I don't know what it is and I don't know what to do with yet. I am totally physically dysfunctional. I can barely make myself a cup of tea.
What do I do now that I don't do energy work any more?
I meditate on the troubles of the world, hours every day. There is such disharmony and imbalance, destruction and fear. Even in my immediate surroundings - much upheaval.
In meditation there is grace. Grace creates order, balance and harmony; which gives birth to love and prosperity, abundance and sustenance for all. Grace plows through fear, rebellion, wilfulness, resistance, hatred and many more unaligned energies. Grace brings order in chaos, blessings to the world.
If one only thinks about what one wants, that which one has, begin to look like nothing. One becomes miserable and unhappy, nothing works and one experiences loss.
If one keeps saying "Thank you", that which one has, begin to look like rich, golden blessings. One becomes deeply grateful and happy and everything works out gloriously and grow into more blessings.
Everything that haunts one in life that one does not want, that follow one where ever one goes, one is to absorb it into ones being . . . and it stops having power over one. Not to reject it or push it away.
Nobody responds to me as a private person, as a regular somebody. All people I meet respond to the Light. And all they respond to, is the Light.
Men fall in love with the Light. They think they like me, but they know nothing about me. It's the Light they want. Women fall in love with it too. They think it's me, but it's the Light they want. Straight women fall in love with me too. But it was never me they wanted or were interested in. It was always the Light. I don't think anyone even sees me. I don't think anyone ever has. They see the Light and respond to it, positively or negatively.
When they do find out something about me, anything, by getting to know my person, they become confused, then aggressive and hostile, angry; because it isn't what they want. They want the brilliance, the Light. They want the magical, my spiritual and metaphysical work and practice. That's what they want, a spiritual experience, spiritual growth, magic.
When they see me they get angry, because it gets in the way of the experience of Light, of the imagination of what is there, the possibility of their own change. I am having to (learn to) relate to others from this strangeness, to learn why they all respond to me so strangely, so awkwardly, so backwardly, abruptly, abnormally, unusually.
I give guidance, I give the words I am supposed to give, and people relax. Only if I speak from this place; otherwise, agitation. That's when they relax, when they can hold onto something, some idea, some concept, a step, something to focus on, something to do. Direction. They hold on to me for this, and they don't know it.
And I must make it impersonal. And because of this . . . I don't get to have normal personal relationships. I can't ever make any of it personal, into a personal relationship. There is no giving back to Harmony in the same way. The realm of Divine Mother feeds Harmony; the sweetness, the immaculate bliss.
So, as I watch this, I withdraw from trying human relationships. I withdraw from the natural give and take, the normal sharing in human relationships, since it does not unfold. And instead allow for that which does unfold, the graceful giving of spiritual energies and sometimes called for spiritual guidance. I let go and observe the balance of giving - and receiving in return an energy shift in the other which adds to the change in grids and global and universal consciousness and vibration. All over higher vibration, that is how it returns to me . . . and not as friendships.
I have alliances, allies, companions, pals and acquaintances. But through it all . . . Harmony gives and they receive. I cannot maintain balanced relationships and friendships. They all develop into leadership, guide and giving and following, listening and receiving.
Is this something I must take on seriously now ??? Ever since the time of Christ.
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Yes, I know, it is shocking. But if you are on this path, this is happening to you too, even long before you reach the final culmination. They respond to you and your many lives.
I am just now, very deeply, letting go of any plan, desire, wish or direction I would like to go in, all personal focus for my life is washed away.
I have just recently had a major shift in my spiritual adventure, where I now find myself seeing how infinitely blessed every moment is, in my life. I have finally stepped aside and I can see how that was necessary to leave room for grace to really begin working my life.
Grace is making tremendous beauty and love out of everything. I am more blessed now, more loved now and more free and more creative than ever before. I am observing a perfect flow in all areas of my life. I see how everything is moving together. The divine is suggesting different things and different scenarios to me and I am responding to which and what I would like, but it's without agenda. I am finally free from wanting a life that makes sense, any particular set-up.
I have tried for so many years to get God to do what I wanted, to perform my wishes and it has made me so very tired, so tired. Now, with this most recent break through in giving up my plan, I just am, in what is, and it is growing into something so beautiful and perfect for me.
I used to think I had to control it, to plan it, to figure it out, to make sure it all turned out right. I don't do that any more. I don't ask for anything and I watch perfection unfold in all areas. I feel so infinitely blessed. I don't have to make a plan. There already is a Plan. Now everything is a gift. I don't have to think. I don't have to wonder.I don't have to figure it out.
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And, boy, am I changing !!! I no longer have a private life. I have a life of service only. Like it always was. A house and home and a private life, I prayed for. But nope. So now what? Not a private life, a public life?
I used to say to the above; "If you want me to do this and that . . . I want you to set it up this way and that way." They were all my requests and conditions, as if my thinking was better and cleverer then God's.And it never turned out in any of my ways anyway.Service.
Now, I will do this, but not for me . . . but for God, because it is God's asking, She is making it so. I no longer care what goes through my head. Everything is going to change.
Serve God. Serve the Plan.
Don't make a plan, serve the Plan already in place.
Unobstructed now for the Light to shine. Unobstructed for God's work through my life.
I had a very strong process of this (below) and couldn't understand why. I thought I was nutty, nuts and I wondered much. Now, on this time of being out of it, finally, I can see the process, lengthy as it was.
I get to go through everything strange, lengthy and in deep detail, so that I one day, hopefully, can explain it simply. That is my life. To explain everything that is possible in this field; spiritual and metaphysical. A mind bending life I have. One that makes me go to the depth and core of everything, so that through experience I'll be made to see what's what.
What experience have I not had? Done the shamanic, the dark, the shadows, the metaphysical, organic quantum physics, paranormal, supernatural, witchy, demonic, angelic, cosmic, mystical, magical, multidimensional, the world of energy and perception, tones, sound and energy as languages, vibration, frequency and so on. Luckily I studied theosophy a long time ago. That helped.
All I want is a normal life. But at least it's not boring. :)
ONENESS - actual and factual. Merger with the Absolute, absorption into the All and All, melting into the One, God - Union, samadhi.
God - Union is literal, not conceptual.
God - Union is when ones energy grids, ones energy make - up, ones aura's substance, meridians and patterns, ones individualized unit of consciousness collapse and completely dissolve and melt into the Universal grid. The Universal grid is now you. The essence that moves through the Universal grid becomes your Consciousness.
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Everybody is imprinted with stories, some very much and very deeply and some lightly, and most relate to the story as life.
One day, in tangent with and as a result of God - Union, ones stories will be wiped away totally, literally and completely. When there is no longer any stories or imprints running, rather only the whole of cosmos, the totality of consciousness through ones being and field of awareness, the mind will bend . . . and lose control, loose its structure, function and blue print, until it ceases to be. It melts and dissolves, and Awareness remains. The story of creation just flows through it all with all of its options and crossroads. Clarity remains, ease, peace, emptiness . . . filled with the story and movement of creation, the Greater Whole.
What may follow is a period, sometimes long, perhaps many years, of thought confusion since there is a habit of running certain thought forms and beliefs, and create happenings from wishes and whims; personal stories.
A thinking process is still possible and from habit one may still form stories; thinking patterns, questions, considering, concerns about creation, control, wishes, wants, desires and so on. It can take an amazing amount of time before this habit is relaxed, this function of recreating patterns of personal story.
It can take a very long time before the reverberation, the reflections, the remaining residues of this previous hologram eventually dissolve and slowly melts away. And it can feel worse than it ever did before, because of trying to hold on to the familiar and the understood when it’s all just being pulled away. The letting go of the mind functions and the understood in the world view can be the most difficult and excruciating. All this is a process in the energetic transformation that the kundalini brings, a metaphysical transformation.
The compulsive recreating of that which is known and understood one day ceases, and the filling of the thought field ceases and awareness becomes clear and undisturbed and forever. Awareness that is One with Universal Consciousness. But that doesn't mean one knows everything or perceives everything all at once. It means a stillness, limitless expansiveness, emptiness, non - activity. Freedom from doing, desire, controlling, intending, wishing, working hard for a goal, goals, considering, thinking, wondering.Once it is done, it is a big shift. It becomes a perfect placing with What Is in the Here and Now.Then no more personal agitation. One full orb of Nothing.
The energy that comes from within me, through my body, goes out into the world and brings back to me that which is for me. The energy of Truth brings that which is true and right for my life's story line, my journey through life . . . path and destiny unfolding. (Yes, I know, there are those who experience that they "create their own reality". There is a time for each experience.) Not from will or focus or thinking or figuring, but from the vibration of Absolute Reality, through the form into the world. That which is to be will come. I don't have to make a decision or a plan, I don't have to decide, I don't have to know . . . It will come that which is to be, effortlessly.
That's not enlightenment, it's Self - Realization. I find that almost every spiritual teacher in the west speak of Self - Realization as enlightenment. It is in my experience two different things (and, if you want, my experience is backed up by the ancient spiritual yogatexts of the east).
Realization is realization, en - light - enment is enlightenment, God - Union is Oneness/samadhi and kundalini reaching the crown chakra and activating there the inherent previously dormant divine light, that's Union (which brings, yet another, incredible shift). It is that Light in the crown chakra that lights up like a supernova. Lights up, en - light - ens. If one is lucky and experiences all of them one finds a massive and total change in consciousness and energy make - up. Then vigilance (as spoken of by Papaji) is no longer an issue. It's not knowledge of anything, it's not awareness of any one thing, it's not an aha experience or insight. It is total transformation in Light. It wouldn't be called enlightenment unless it had to do with light, duh. I know everyone will disagree with me . . . until they reach the culmination themselves. Everybody seems to want to say something about it, when they don't really know. I think it's OK to say; this is what I know from my own personal experience and I am still growing.
After the culmination and enlightenment, one is made by those forces to get back into regular and very normal living, One is made to get oneself all the way back into being normal and regular and nothing fancy, peculiar, different and special at all. When one has made the life shift back into totally regular and normal being, person and life, then the journey is over, not before. Many stop at; "I am now so special", but that is not where it ends. It ends with; I am now back to normal with a totally regular life. Peaceful sure, without questions and emotional rumblings sure, but with a regular life and life style, nothing else.
I created another network, a place for sharing stories about the thinning of the veils between dimensions, faery experiences, the unusual and nature worship.
