Away ...

To this place I soon depart ...

Photography from www.acadiamagic.com

Utah and Wyoming.

The land one lives upon completely defines who one is. Nature feeds me so.

I want to go to Utah, Wyoming and Montana; especially Utah and Wyoming. I need to absorb what is there. God willing. A dream to one day fulfill, to crisscross the country in an RV . . . slowly, very slowly, with a cell phone, a lap top and a spectacular camera . . .

I left L.A. because I wanted to see the world again. The world is so unbelievable. How could I just sit still in one place?

Montana.

Wyoming, and below, Utah.

Wild nature images, photography by Ron Niebrugge.

Grand Teton national park, Wyoming, photos.

Yellowstone national park, Wyoming, photos.

Here we go.

I am finally going on my journey again. Soon I am leaving Sedona after having spent just over a year in this magical land. I haven't done anything I wanted to do but energetically I have done everything I came here to do, I received. I feel OK with that now, complete with the process I came here here to have, quite deeply rejuvenated.

So, I am on my way finally back towards Europe, from where I came 14 years ago. It was on 9/11 that I decided I really wanted to go back to Europe. It has taken me 7 years. (Hm. It took me 10 years to come back to the U.S. after my first initial visit here. Hm. Interesting.) I am passing through New England, Maine, on my way off this continent. Summer in Maine. That'll do. Of course, I still miss L.A. and may go back there some day, but as I said before, when I lived there I felt I was missing out on all the things and all the places still to be seen in the world and I felt a pull back to Europe. I am drawn to Scotland, England, France, Italy and Greece.

I am feeling more and more normal. My life is quite normal now and things in my life are unfolding beautifully rather than as profound challenges. My life is more and more normal but I have yet to feel totally normal again. I wait for that day. I just want a normal life, a life that makes sense, a life of order and rhythm, creativity and social activities. I am still confused about this thing called free will. I don't seem to have any. Things unfold in my life absolutely without any regard to my thoughts, wishes, prayers or otherwise intending my will upon creation. I am OK with that since now things flow so well and kindly towards me.

And I got to be here.

And then I got to be here, a totally different place, but only for a few weeks and it has changed me a lot and very fast. Nature and animal life is restoring me still, all that which was stripped from me in L.A. and during my kundalini journey. I am now being restored and it feels like nothing else.

We had eggs from the chickens next door, the taste of which made me feel like I had never really been alive before. (I'm gettin' me some chickens!!!) A couple of peacocks lived in the tree outside my bedroom window (loud in the morning). Rocky the goat, who's never known fear or danger, would walk into our house any time he felt like it to see if he could find something to eat, like fish food or a stool or human fingers.

This house was built by artist Douglas Andrews, an amazing creative totally in touch with nature.

In Oak Creek Canyon, 10 minutes north of Sedona. Green and lush.

Swing in the down stairs garden. I hope to come back here one day and take my own pictures (but I know, the journey only goes forward and onward).

Dining room and living room and indoor koi pond seen from the kitchen. Upstairs a half circular wrap around loft.

Living room with aquarium.

Above the living room, my sleeping quarters.

At the other end of the loft, more beds.

Upstairs bathroom with antique bath tub and patio.

Kitchen.

Dining area with art by the owner and builder of the house.

Indoor fish pond with both tropical and desert plants all around, really like a jungle.

Pond and breakfast area.

Rooftop garden, patio with fire pit and views galore.

Rooftop garden.

The creek in front of the house. I am glad I got to be here.

I got to be here.

It was sacred, serene and beautiful. The land held me in place for many months. I had to be still in nature. I got to see Arizona in the summer and then also in the fall and winter and spring. What I remember most are the stars at night and the energy of the land, the many birds and the feeling of the mountain lion watching us. And can you believe it, angry people lived here.

Going forward backward.

In this time of great change for me, since the turn of the millennium, I have to come to know myself, inside out. I have come to have new work and a new work identity. And much also remains the same. All that was useful from the past came with me, yet, I am someone else now.

Now that I have found my new personal identity and new social identity and understood my new work, which all took years to have reveled, very slowly, I shall now put all that aside and complete functioning finances and also go and find my place in the world where I can be, live, love and do my thing. A place that suites and nourishes my new me and my new work and purpose. I must be creative, an artist, a writer. I thought I had to share my becoming and the path one can find oneself upon towards ones own becoming, but now I step away from that, to just be for myself and my little life. (Maybe later I will share in a spiritual way again.)

I am feeling the surge of what I was like when I lived in Europe, my deep artistic self, the observer and commenter, the dresser and decorator, the writer, photographer and painter. My time of becoming spiritual is over and I can do what I want (they say). I want to go back to Europe, fur sure. See the country side and gardens of England, the hills and mountains of Italy, the old castles everywhere, the stone farmhouses of south of France, vineyards and lavender fields, the cafes of Vienna, concerts with Amy Winehouse, the street life of Paris and London, the impeccable deep blue of the Mediterranean sea, the heat of Greece, the oriental influences of Seville and Granada in Spain . . . I want to find a big, old house on the country and settle in.

I have yet to decide in which part I will live, but I do know I will just live and live the small and manageable life I have wanted since '97. Just see the sun come up, eat good food from the region, take walks to town, see some people, sit at cafes and write, paint. organize my house with antiques and stuff from around the world and have people come and stay long periods. I like most the Mediterranean areas and will take residence anywhere on the sea. It must be warm and have people like me. I like places that have an international crowd and flair.

* * *

The attention I received for my work in Los Angeles was all warped. People there were only interested in the phenomena of it and not the actual effects and benefits. People were eager to glorify and adore me, without knowing exactly what I do. It was empty and frightening and I ran from it from the start and instead went deeper into spiritual becoming. Having been in Arizona for all this time has cleansed me from all the strains of living in L.A. and in the sort of demented mentality that L.A. (mostly) holds. I am no longer reverberating from the challenges of trying to be real in an ocean of people who were warped, too intense and with no interest in the real.

I have considered very seriously going back to L.A. and resuming my place and work there because that was the only thing that seemed to make sense for a long time. People do want this kind of stuff there yet not seriously. On the very day after I fully decided to go back to L.A. and live there; I had even let people know I was coming back; it was crystal clear to me I was going back to Europe, crystal . . .

I have wondered on a couple of decisions for a while. Back to Europe or back to L.A.? Be available to teach spiritually and share publicly or live small, privately and just for myself and do my thing, my art - and do my connection to the divine privately? I have been pulled between what I thought could be my destiny, purpose and God's will for me, and what I felt in other parts of my being, things I really also would like to do, a more personal will. Hmm . . . It is now looking like I can have what I need instead of having to be entirely and totally of service to the Plan and only that. My life unfolds by itself in a new way. I see there is now more of a focus from the divine on my personal needs, not so much and all the time on work. I am being restored back into the world from this crazy and all - consuming spiritual journey I have been on now for so many years and I like that. NORMAL !!! I waited for normal. Thank you my people upstairs and the Mother All. I feel like I am coming out of a long dream and I get to go back to be with real people.

All the things of my personal life and my personality that have been forced onto the back burner for so long because of the spiritual becoming are now coming back to me. I greatly rejoice !!

Moving on.

I still miss L.A., intensely, sometimes brutally. Yet I had nothing while I lived in L.A., except a deep spiritual journey.

I wanted to get out of L.A. I badly missed nature, big nature. I used to think of all the places yet to be seen, places to go, places to experience, live and love, the beauty of the rest of the world that I still wanted to take in. L.A. is so confining. When I lived in L.A., that was it. I never really thought of the world outside of the borders of the city. It became confining. I was feeling trapped by the spirits of L.A.

I have busted out and now nothing makes sense. I am having to get used to a new life, a whole new way of life, get used to something else, something new, something yet unknown to me. Bothers me. Even though I miss L.A. much I am glad to be on the outside of it, as I am sure all people who used to live in L.A. can relate to.

I now have much nature and much space around me. I can breath and I breathe slowly. And I expand tremendously. This isn't my station though, just a place to regroup and wait.

So I am still roaming, flying, moving, going with the flow. I tried to settle down in L.A. but it was not for me, only for a period of time, until I hit the jackpot spiritually one could say. I must again go with the flow to find the next place where I can continue my life and development. See ya there.