I feel God in me, filling my being, taking over my being, becoming my being . . . an experience that is growing and growing, and I don't even know what it is or what it means. No teacher who can answer my questions. The experience of Oneness continues to grow - imagine that.
I do what they say (upstairs) and get to know what I would want now (even though there are many things and if I think about it all it gets really jumbled up). Then as I have realized what I would want from life now, I am to let it go completely and be open for it to just roll in. That's the surrender. I guess I do what and where and they do how and when, eh. They asked me to tell them what I want now, they told me I can now do what I want - imagine that.
I have had a really hard time beginning to think of what I might want, since I really have had no control or say for so many years. Now I am supposed to tell them what I want. Even thinking about it is confusing. But I am learning, again, to live life on my terms, to manifest, to direct. I find that it needs to include what I need and what fits me for it to really manifest. Them upstairs seem to be guiding my attention to what would be suitable for me now and what would fit me on all levels of my life. Seems I need to be out of a big city, be in peace, stillness and quite a bit of silence. Need to have a small life (like I have always wanted), small and manageable. A need for nature, big nature, space and lots of green and trees, acres and acres, woods and all sorts of plants and big sky. So it seems that Maine would do fine for now. I like the idea of cool air and old buildings, east coast living. Me, a tropical girl - imagine that.
My path is not linear any more like before. Seems more spherical. How does one live round? Be, here, now? And let it come to me instead of going after it? I try to do what I did before when I wanted something. Think about it, focus on it and try to see what I can do to make it come true. But now, after the change, I can't do that. I don't work like I used to. I can't do linear. Linear is gone. What I do is that I find in my being what I would want and then I forget about it and live each day as it comes, without focus or doing and I am open for it to change and to change back. Not attached to the outcome. The moment is blissful and beautiful always, and now, when people complain around me, I no longer am affected by others drama. I am in peace, ever expanding.
