I have experienced a lot of loss in my life, having moved so many times. Losing community, friends, familiarity, relatives, home, activities, belonging, togetherness, peace, serenity and so on over and over and over. Then as an adult I also moved many times and in '93 I went on the road, more or less, on a spiritual journey that lasted many years.
As the millennium turned, right away, I began loosing everything that was in my life, all that I had; relationship, friends, healing practice, apartment, finances and so on. It took a year. Something small took its place to hold me over temporarily. I lived OK for a year, a small life in Hollywood. In the beginning of 2004, in five days I lost everything in one fowl swoop; home, healing practice and finances. Then all of a sudden, in the end of 2004, I lived well in a nice house and with good finances in beautiful Santa Barbara. Then in 2006 I lost everything again over a period of several months. I spent the next year in hell, in great darkness. All of a sudden I was in Sedona, in a nice house with all my needs met, all things in place, serenity and enjoyment. Soon I had to move again and was lead to a nice place in the desert, on the country side outside of Sedona ... and so it goes.
Soon I will move again. All my things are in storage and I am uncertain of where to go next and why I can't just settle down. I know there has been a great break in my life, it was probably the millennium shift, it changed everything and is still making changes. I wonder what it is all for.
I found that if I want something and focus on it, I will have it and as soon as I relax to enjoy it I loose it, it goes away, as it wasn't meant to be there. It was a distraction from what is true for my life, my real life.
Now as my life is naked again, I wonder what it is for. What is my life for then if not to just play with, manifest a bunch of things, create experiences and so on? I have stopped filling it endlessly with things that turn out to be meaningless and pointless and sooner or later fall away. All that became so empty and only spurred my restlessness. So what now, what instead? What will fill this void? Anything? What is real and what is true since I loose all that I create, manifest or attract???
All that I have had seem so superficial. I made things happen because I didn't know what else to do, what to fill my life with. So now, I leave it totally empty and I believe that that which does move our lives will eventually fill my life, will show me what it is about.
God removed all fillers, all distractions, to replace it with what, eh???
Soon I will move again. All my things are in storage and I am uncertain of where to go next and why I can't just settle down. I know there has been a great break in my life, it was probably the millennium shift, it changed everything and is still making changes. I wonder what it is all for.
I found that if I want something and focus on it, I will have it and as soon as I relax to enjoy it I loose it, it goes away, as it wasn't meant to be there. It was a distraction from what is true for my life, my real life.
Now as my life is naked again, I wonder what it is for. What is my life for then if not to just play with, manifest a bunch of things, create experiences and so on? I have stopped filling it endlessly with things that turn out to be meaningless and pointless and sooner or later fall away. All that became so empty and only spurred my restlessness. So what now, what instead? What will fill this void? Anything? What is real and what is true since I loose all that I create, manifest or attract???
All that I have had seem so superficial. I made things happen because I didn't know what else to do, what to fill my life with. So now, I leave it totally empty and I believe that that which does move our lives will eventually fill my life, will show me what it is about.
God removed all fillers, all distractions, to replace it with what, eh???
