As I live here on this land, by the sacred water, I find that I am made to let go of really old attachments I have made in all the different places I have lived and this process moves backwards in time.
I lived in L.A. for eight years. I am mostly attached to the city of L.A. and not so much to the people there. I loved L.A., still do. There was a place in Sweden where I lived off and on for about six years where it turns out I really liked a whole bunch of people; creative, artistic, deeply soulful, fun and funny, imaginative, adventurous, soul travelers like me. My spirit at the time pulled on me hard to go out into the world, so I did all I could at the time not to get attached to people or make deep friendships. Now, here by the water, I feel the hidden emotional attachments I had made anyway.
Memories of these people have surfaced a few times and I have been made to feel the loss of them and the missing of them, like a cleansing. Today I wake up from a dream of my best friend from when I was 11 - 13 and I begin to remember all the people from that time, school mates, relatives and people in the community, memories from further back in time. I miss the ones the most that I never really made a true connection with even though I would have wanted to. I am sorry about not speaking all the things that were truly in my heart. I am sorry I missed out on some real good times, because I was already flying off into the future.
It is as if my spirit made sure I didn't connect too deeply, I make very deep emotional bonds, because I was to move the following year, which I didn't know but the Great Spirit did. So I was spared deep anguish at the time from the severing from people, which I am of course grateful for as well as sad about.
I guess as I live here I will be made to go through my whole life and let go of all things I loved in the past, all hidden attachments that have ever made me sad or feel lonely. I can only (but not really) imagine what is in store for me after all this, my time here in the desert that frees me from all things in the past.
I lived in L.A. for eight years. I am mostly attached to the city of L.A. and not so much to the people there. I loved L.A., still do. There was a place in Sweden where I lived off and on for about six years where it turns out I really liked a whole bunch of people; creative, artistic, deeply soulful, fun and funny, imaginative, adventurous, soul travelers like me. My spirit at the time pulled on me hard to go out into the world, so I did all I could at the time not to get attached to people or make deep friendships. Now, here by the water, I feel the hidden emotional attachments I had made anyway.
Memories of these people have surfaced a few times and I have been made to feel the loss of them and the missing of them, like a cleansing. Today I wake up from a dream of my best friend from when I was 11 - 13 and I begin to remember all the people from that time, school mates, relatives and people in the community, memories from further back in time. I miss the ones the most that I never really made a true connection with even though I would have wanted to. I am sorry about not speaking all the things that were truly in my heart. I am sorry I missed out on some real good times, because I was already flying off into the future.
It is as if my spirit made sure I didn't connect too deeply, I make very deep emotional bonds, because I was to move the following year, which I didn't know but the Great Spirit did. So I was spared deep anguish at the time from the severing from people, which I am of course grateful for as well as sad about.
I guess as I live here I will be made to go through my whole life and let go of all things I loved in the past, all hidden attachments that have ever made me sad or feel lonely. I can only (but not really) imagine what is in store for me after all this, my time here in the desert that frees me from all things in the past.
