Tuesday, May 1, 2007

I'm ok.

As I said to a friend ... I am utterly at peace ... deeper than peace ... deeper than One ... in a way I never expected before. I can't any longer put words on This or anything. I feel dumb, dumbstruck, dumbfounded ... blown to pieces ... blown away ... yet it is becoming normal to me.

I take walks after dark with my cat and hear the nature hum and make music and I am so wide and empty and I feel like little waves meeting the sandy shores, the tiniest waves, tiniest ripples, barely noticeable in the Universe, little ripples.

My head is totally different now. I feel as if there is a tornado inside my head ... I can't see out through my eyes ... I am everything, but beyond it ... I am blurred and sharp at the same time ...

I am totally different, well, I can't explain. It is awesome, still and galactic. There is a storm wind blowing through my head, blowing out everything, blowing out my head, blowing ...

It comes and goes in waves. I can barely see. I can't really focus on anything. I couldn't drive a car. I am absorbed in this. I am finishing the journey, the inward journey. I need to be among trees and flowers in the night air under the stars. That helps me, listening to the sky and the earth. This is far beyond One. I am finished.

I can see how enlightenment transforms a human being into a whole new life form, in every way different and new.

My empathic tendencies are transforming into a totally new way of always blowing energy outward and not anymore absorbing in the same way. A galactic storm wind blowing apart everything I am. An always outgoing flow, a presence rather than a glow. Another level of freedom from suffering because there is nothing left.

My time of stillness and inwardness seems to be coming to an end, it's been six years, and a time of motion seems to now be about to begin. I can feel it. Where I go now, I don't know. The whole Universe moves as she moves.