Thursday, September 27, 2007

Empathic, eh?

Yesterday morning on my hike among the hills and over the rocks and cliffs along the raging creek through this desert, I discovered something I should have discovered years ago. Well, I discovered it now, so that is good enough.

I have been feeling perfect peace with all things for years now, permanent perfect peace ... except with one thing current in my life. I have told people that I am OK with all things except this one thing. It is a person who I believed was bringing me still out of my "center" and away from my peace. With this I believed I had still so much unfinished stuff still in me to clear out and I was surprised that that was so. I tried to figure out what I still needed to learn and tried to see any progress in my releasing all this "stuff". Nope, saw none. It just kept being the same, sort of.

As I was contemplating this during my walk, I was recalling that I can so easily keep myself and my emotions and energy field perfectly unaffected by the drama around me, untouched perfectly and in perfect peace, by simply detaching from the grids that make up whatever drama. Except I did not do this with this person whom I have thought have disturbed me so tremendously now for a few years.
I have a deep bond with this person.

All of a sudden I discover that I am completely able to disconnect my field of energy, aura, from his field and as I did so I came to see and feel that I had been absorbing his energy field deeply and everything in it into my energy field and had been experiencing all his thoughts and feelings, attitude and world views and so on as if they were my own. I had believed that the feelings of aggressiveness, hostility, hatred, frustration, anger, emotional violence and so on were serious unfinished stuff in me that I couldn't seem to let go of, which surprised me tremendously, because I am good at this.

It dawned on me that I only felt this stuff when he was near and not at all otherwise. I have realized this with many people in th past and then managed to keep myself out of their grids. I don't know why it took me all this time to check if it truly were my own feelings I felt around him until now. Crikey!! Nothing bothered me except this, NOW I know why.