Sunday, September 16, 2007

Chop wood, carry water...

One time I knew a woman who had studied philosophy at the University of Michigan for seven years. She told me, I think it was in 2000, that the saying goes;

"Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.
After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water."

But, you know, nothing is the same.

Life, life style and attitude towards life all change drastically and completely. This is, of course, a gradual transformation. A total and absolute turn around and transformation of awareness and attitude. As I used to see myself as separate from everything else as I was also a total atheist, I worked hard to figure out what to do, fought violently to stay alive, tried all the tools I learned to "create my own reality", roamed around in the realm of intense confusion, focused real hard on my attempts to change the way things were, to change what was happening in my life and around me, made plans for a "better" life, tried all that I could to control things and people so that the outcome I desired would take place. This was all I knew. I wasn't successful at this. I always wanted things to be different than they were. I have a strong creative mind and was always making up new life scenarios. I thought I knew better than life. I thought that if I don't uphold creation all things would end. I thought I was the creator. I though I was the only thing that made things happen even though some things happened by them selves. I was confused and drained.

Of course, I was so tired and exhausted from not being able to figure out what to do to have total control over my life, have the life I wanted and be successful like others. (Now I know people pretend to be successful even if they don't feel that they are.) I ran myself into the ground literally. During this time I went to see Adyashanti at a talk in L.A. somewhere. All I remember from all that he said was the answer to one woman's question about God's will and how to figure out God's will for oneself. Adyashanti simply said; what...well, this is God's will, God's will is happening all the time, how could it happen if it wasn't God's will, everything that is is God's will, this right now... I thought that was brilliant, of course.

So now, as I have come through this tremendous change in awareness; my mind having been crushed and obliterated, mind dissolved in the Absolute permanently; I experience total Oneness, the Is-ness of the All and All, the perfection of all movement, the stillness and silence behind everything, the immensity of Truth, the presence of Divine Grace at all times moving and seeing to it that all things are brought back to natural balance, beauty and divine harmony. Yes, sure, there is death, there is destruction, there is falling apart but there is also renewal and rebuilding. All flows in a perfect circle, if you want, in ebb and flow in perfect harmony with its own nature.

I have learned painfully and slowly to release my old belief systems that only caused confusion, anger, pain and belief in limitation and have gradually allowed my spirit to show me, through the Grace of the Divine Mother, how things really are in creation and how they work. Years were spent breaking down my old world view and all that I believed and I was gently shown how it really was. So I find great resolution and resolve in my faith in God, in my complete surrender and deep understanding of how things move on without me pushing them. I can see now that my effort is not required for life to move on, my willing participation is all that is needed for myself to be in peace and harmony about all that happens. I can see a perfect system to things and I can see a Plan that is in motion. I have learned to see what is happening instead of what I thought should be happening. If I hadn't done that I wouldn't be here now, I would have been nuts and not in peace or I might not have been here at all. All I wanted and all I could see were my will and my desires, my focus and my images of the future; because that's how I thought it worked and no other way. Now I look upon creation with such wonder over how it just flows. My strain is gone and my desires have turned into graceful gratitude over what I have been given and a still wonder in observation of how it works. What I have been given and what I am being given all the time is always so much greater than anything I could have asked for. Turns out, my imagination wasn't, isn't much to hang in a Christmas tree, is not that which rules creation. I have surrendered totally and I watch what is instead, the beautiful and perfect unfoldment of life, and that which is is spectacular and supreme and perfect, even though there are all those things that I think should be there and they are not.

While I was making furious plans for my life, not even from desire but because I thought I had to make things happen, something really great and immense was already in motion in my life and I wasn't exactly oblivious to it, just thought I wanted something else. I wanted to control my life when my life already was motioned by the great thing that was taking place. I now look upon what is in fact already happening, because something is always already happening even before one makes up ones mind to "create" something. I used to think that my life was a terrible disaster, and now even though my life hasn't changed much, I can see that my life is sublimely perfect. ALL that has been or not been has supported my becoming. I observe and I enjoy and the grace and the bliss is deep and the euphoric ecstasy is tremendous. This is my new life. No longer pain, fear and suffering but ease, perfection and many times sublime ecstasy.